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Find Your Own Adventure

7/23/2012

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I've been on an adventure jag lately, at least when it comes to my book choices. Over the past few months, I've read three books about people ditching their everyday lives and going on mammoth adventures along the Pacific Crest Trail  and the Appalachian Trail.  The most famous of the three is "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed, but all three books were captivating.


As an avid short distance hiker for years, I am fascinated by the authors' decision to leave their everyday lives behind and embark on solo  journeys on foot for more than 2,000 miles. I am in awe of their dedication and devotion to a single goal. I am quite sure I would not last more than 100 miles.


One common denominator expressed by all the authors was their sense of rebirth and invigoration after stepping out of their comfort zone and trying something new. Their adventures made me realize that we don't necessarily have to strap on a backpack,  head into the great outdoors for months and confront bears with cubs to find new meaning in our lives. Sometimes trying a new sport, enrolling in a new course or hooking up with an old friend is all it takes.

The other night I was struggling through a game of tennis with my husband. My wrist was sore, the court was hot and stuffy and I didn't really feel like playing. On the next court, four people were playing an engaging game of pickleball, a racquet sport that is sort of a cross between ping pong and tennis. So what if the average age of pickleball players is 75? It tooked like a lot of fun. When the game ended, I was invited to try it and loved it _ even though my team lost twice.


I loved it because it was something new that combined my passion for sports with a sense of fun. Another game is scheduled for this week and I'm looking forward to having another go at it. 


In his moving memoir entitled "AWOL on the Appalachian Trail," author David Miller talks at the end about the importance of pursuing your dreams even after you are married with children. His words resonated with me because often as parents, we put off our own hopes and desires for the sake of our children.


"It's important for parents to continue with their own lives," Miller writes. "We can't sit by and say we've already made our decisions, done our striving, and dish out opinions on the doings of our children. Words alone lack authority, and we risk making them surrogates for the life we'd like to lead. We can better relate to our children if we follow dreams of our own."





















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Reach Out To Others

7/18/2012

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I recently began reading a woman's blog featured in the New Haven Register and thought she is blogging too often. When to write, and when not to, is a tricky thing.  No one wants to be bombarded with anyone's  thoughts too often.


But something happened this morning and it inspired me to blog _ even at the risk of being a bore. If you've had enough of me this week _ and believe me, I wouldn't blame you _ close this now and go do something else that is more fulfilling.  But if you've got a few minutes, I have something to share.


I promised a friend the other night that I would attend a guided meditation at the Stony Creek Library in Branford at 7 p.m. As the time approached, I was tired and thought of bagging it, breaking my promise to my friend and myself. I polled my kids and they encouraged me to go, even if it meant  they would be wolfing down McDonald's meals at 9 p.m. So I went and learned that we are all happier when we do not isolate ourselves and we reach out to others. A beautiful thought that I carried away with me.


Fast-forward to this morning. My sister Janet, who supervises a student foreign exchange program, emailed me and asked if I would host a French student whose host family has fallen through at the last minute. I had been prepared to host a student earlier, but when all the students were placed, I must admit I  heaved a huge sigh of relief. No extra driving, no dealing with a stranger in the house, nothing to upset my routine as was the case last summer when we hosted a Chinese student who was deathly afraid of our yellow Lab Cali. 


I told her I would think about it and let her know by tomorrow. A short time later while digging through a pile of papers stacked in a box in my kitchen, I came across some quotations that I had scrolled down about risk-taking. I had compiled them after I taught my first class in yoga school and came down with a brutal case of performance anxiety _  complete with shaky voice and sweaty palms. At the time, I wondered if I would ever be able to stand in front of a room and teach yoga to anyone but my closest friends. Piling up the quotes emboldened me.


Here are a few:


"If you don't risk anything, you risk even more." _ Erica Jong


"Remember that fear always lies behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person." _ Jawaharial Nehru


And the one I love most:


"Our lives improve only when we take chances. And the first and most difficult risk we can take is being honest with ourselves." _ Walter Anderson

So there will be an unexpected French visitor here next week and we'll all have to roll with the punches. We're stepping out of our comfort zone and reaching out to a stranger who is taking a chance in a foreign land. I just hope she's not afraid of our dog.









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Do Something To Make You Happy

7/16/2012

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A few months ago I spotted a few picnic tables near Mill Pond in Guilford and thought how lovely it would be to have a picnic there. Set under shade trees overlooking the expansive pond, the picnic tables would catch my eye from time to time while rushing to bring my kids to their appointed rounds. I thought about picnics _ I actually got two beautiful woven picnic baskets when I got married in 1983 _ and how sad it is that no one really has time for picnics any more.

My mother-in-law Maureen Murphy loved picnic tables and picnics in general. She had a picnic table at her house in Milford and her family's summer home at Martha's Vineyard. One summer at the Vineyard was so hot that we all spent a fair amount of time just sitting at a gray picnic table off to the side of the house, "sweating sitting still" as MoMo would say. She also turned every summer lunch into picnic time, preparing sandwiches, tucking them into plastic bags and carting them off to the beach. I quickly squashed that tradition, believing it made no sense to do all that packing and carting when I would tear into my sandwich as soon as I got to the beach. But some members of my husband's family have kept the tradition alive.



But back to the picnic tables. I must have passed them a dozen times and thought I really should stop and eat there.  Yesterday, I finally got my wish. I had picked up sandwiches for me and my son and was heading home. As I approached the picnic tables, I pulled into the gravel parking lot and turned off the car. My son said he would be happy to eat in the car, but I asked if he'd join me at a table. "Probably a lot of flies out there Mom," he said.


I gave him the option of staying in the car, but I walked over to one of the tables and sat down. The pond was very still, and I marveled at the beautiful wildflowers lining its bank and the dragonflies looping over the surface. For a minute, I flashed back to the beautiful pond at my alma mater, Wheaton College in Norton, Mass. That pond was my favorite part of a very pretty campus. A few minutes later, my son joined me and finished up his sandwich. He then began tossing rocks into the pond, reminding me of when he was a very little boy.


It wasn't a big deal, but that impromptu little picnic made my day. 




  



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Take Time To Meditate

7/8/2012

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We had to do certain things in yoga teacher training and some were easier than others. When it came time to do a therapeutic report on yoga's impact on tennis, I borrowed from my years as a reporter and actually finished it before the due date. Lifting myself up in a headstand also was easy because it's something I've been doing since high school gymnastics (and the occasional cocktail party . . . don't ask.)


But other requirements of the 200-hour training were a bit more challenging. Two days each week, we were encouraged to live the yogic lifestyle...eating vegetarian meals, avoiding technology such as TV and the Internet and meditating for at least 10 minutes a day. The first two requirements presented challenges each week. Like many people today, I rely on the Internet for communication and information. Thus, I am not sure I ever truly achieved the yogic lifestyle for 48 hours each week.  But meditating _ and keeping a journal for one month _ was by far the most difficult thing for me


I had trouble finding the right place and position for meditating, which is supposed to be done in a small, quiet space away from kids and pets (dogs are notorious for sniffing you while you lay prone with your eyes closed and my yellow Lab Cali was no exception.) Our teacher suggested that many people like to meditate in closets, so I finally settled on my walk-in closet, where I would lay and try to quiet my mind. They say when you pray you listen to the word of God and when you meditate you listen to your own voice. I would have to agree. I had some wonderful and surprising revelations while meditating, though mostly it seemed like work _ at times very hard work.


Though I practiced yoga for years before deciding to become an instructor, I had no idea that meditation was the actual foundation of yoga. Monks developed yoga's asanas, or postures, thousands of years ago so they would be able to meditate for long stretches without becoming uncomfortable. If you doubt the need for the postures, try sitting in a simple cross-legged position for 10 minutes with your eyes closed.


Now that I don't have to meditate nor am required to keep a journal, I find myself doing it every day. We're at Martha's Vineyard now and the beach, with its crashing waves and wonderful cooling breezes, is the ideal spot to let my mind go free. There are often no startling revelations, but that's OK. After months of resistance, it's part of my daily routine. And I want to keep it that way.  


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Follow Your Heart

7/1/2012

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She is 11 and can drive me crazy at times, but my daughter Maura continues to inspire me every day, both on and off the yoga mat. When her teacher's husband died unexpectedly and tragically earlier this year, Maura suggested a bake sale at her school to raise money for her teacher and her two young children. Maura has such a good heart that her principal, who usually only allows "healthy" snacks, waived her policy for the day, permitting sweet, sticky and very, very unhealthy snacks to be sold in the gym.  When people congratulated me on the idea, I told them it was all Maura's and it was. Maura is far kinder and more generous than I am and continually reminds me to open my heart to others.

Maura has also served as inspiration for more than a few  yoga class themes. Just yesterday, she arrived home from summer school and sat next to the phone, saying she had asked a friend for a play date and was expecting her to call back. She brushed off an invitation to go swimming, saying she needed to be near the phone in case her friend called. When I arrived back home and her friend still had not called back, I urged Maura to go swimming and enjoy the beautiful day. Maura was hinging her happiness on someone else, sacrificing a chance at fun and frolic and wasting time waiting for the phone to ring. (Incidentally, it never did. Maura called the girl back and learned the day just wasn't going to work, but they arranged a play date for the next day and had a blast).

Maura has plenty of company in the waiting in vain department. We all depend on others to do things...let's face it, certain things like tennis, golf, eating, bowling or going to the movies are best done with other people. But sometimes we need to follow our own hearts and do things by ourselves to be happy.


One of the basic teachings of yoga is aparigraha (non-clinging)...as in, don't cling to objects or people to make you happy. (Example: If I could only get that dress, that car or that house, or if that person would only be my friend, I would be happy). Yoga also teaches that our most important relationship is with a higher power followed by our relationship with ourselves. And sometimes, that is enough.




Maura (in goggles) with her friend Jenny.




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Just Do It

6/26/2012

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Let's start out by saying I did not want to write a blog about yoga. Too many people are writing them today, and for the most part, they're going unread because of over saturation. As a cub reporter at a newspaper years ago, I had to write an column called "In This Corner" and felt the same way. I only wanted to write when I felt I had something to say, not to just fill space.

But yesterday inspired me to start a blog. The crazy weather, the lashing rain and waves of intense thunderstorms, threatened to cancel my big plans for my sunset beach yoga class in Milford. I checked the radar often, scouring the hourly updates for Milford on Weather.com and promised I would make my decision by 5 p.m. With the skies looking bright outside my kitchen window in Guilford, I decided to forge ahead, even after a Milford student emailed me to let me know the skies were once again dark and rain was pelting the beach. I decided to keep the class on, figuring the storms would pass by the start of class.

Of course I hit one of the worst traffic jams on I-95 and showed up about 15 minutes late, but there stood three people _  two of my siblings and a close friend _ with their yoga mats. They had made the decision to show up come hell or high water and they stuck to it, even if it wasn't the ideal night for beach yoga _ and it certainly wasn't.. Though the skies cleared and the sun poked out, there were little bugs to contend with and no bug spray. And as they finally rested in savasana, a light rain began to fall on them. But for me, these three yoginis represented one of the most important lessons I learned in yoga teacher training: when you set your mind to do something, follow through. If you say you MIGHT do something, you probably won't do it, but if you say you will do something, you will. The yoga teacher who taught this lesson, the wonderful Kundalini yoga teacher Anne Novak, went as far as saying you should take the word might out of your vocabulary.

Anne's presentation was a turning point for me, because I've been guilty of vowing to go places or do things only to cancel out at the last minute due to kids' commitments or just wanting to veg out at the end of the day. Since her talk, I've made the commitment to myself that if I say I am going to do something, I will follow through and do it. This brings to mind a conversation I overheard in Fenway Park on Sunday. Two people, a middle-aged man and woman who had just met, began talking about their "bucket lists." The guy, a businessman, said he finally got to the Kentucky Derby in May after years of promising his wife he would take her. He said, "As I've gotten older, I don't regret the things I have done. I regret the things I haven't done."

It's not always easy to follow through on promises. We get tired at the end of the day, dinner has to be served and of course there is down time to be enjoyed. But I feel immensely better when I follow through on plans because I don't let others down _ or myself. 
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    Carolyn is a longtime writer and editor who recently became a certified yoga instructor. You can follow her journey into the world of yoga teaching and share your comments if you'd like. 

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